The Book of Trump

In the beginning, this is absolutely true, Donald created the heaven and the earth. Go to my website. Absolutely true. And I got really great credit for it.

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. Sad! And the Spirit of Donald – you see this – the Spirit of Donald moved upon the face of the waters.

And Donald said, Let there be light: and there was light. Just like that, there was light. The media won’t report on that.

And Donald saw the light, that it was good: it was so good. It was so good you wouldn’t even believe it. This light was so good – and Donald divided the light from the darkness. Yeah, he did that. He did that!

And Donald called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night.

And Donald said, OK, let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. So many – I’ve seen this – folks – so many waters.

And Donald made the firmament, it’s a terrific firmament, everyone says it, not just me, it’s a tremendous firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so great.

The truth is, you don’t hear this in the mainstream media, but Donald called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day, folks.

And Donald said, I didn’t think I’d say this, but I’m going to say it: Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear; and it was so. So important. Very beautiful.

And Donald called the dry land Earth; and – to me this is unbelievable – the gathering together of the waters called he Seas; and Donald – I say this – Donald saw that it was good. You’re gonna have Seas that are so good.

And Donald said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, tremendous seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. Hard to believe. Hard to believe.

And the earth brought forth grass by the way, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind. And Donald saw that it was good. The best.

And, frankly, the evening and the morning were the third day.

These are the facts. And Donald said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years. Big league.

And let them be for huge lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. That’s called business, by the way.

And Donald, the thing I’m doing, Donald made two great – the greatest you’ve ever seen – lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also, by the way, just so you know.

And Donald set them in the firmament of the heaven to give tremendous, really, really tremendous light upon the earth,

And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness, and Donald saw that it was good. America, it was so good.

And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. So simple. So simple, folks.

And Donald said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life – seriously, the moving creature that – and very, very big fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. There has never been anything like those fowl.

And Donald created great whales, really terrific whales if you’ve seen them, you’ve got to see these whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and Donald saw that it was so good.

Donald blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, okay? And multiply, and fill the waters in the seas and let multiply in the earth.

And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. 100% true.
And Donald said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. That happened so fast. Thank you.

And Donald said, Believe me, let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over – I just looked today – over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

So Donald – lemme tell you – Donald created man in his own image, in the image of Donald created he him; male and female created he them. Nobody has more respect for females than I do.

And Donald blessed them, and Donald said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl – very fine fowl, the best fowl – of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. And I’m not saying that in a braggadocious way.

And Donald said, Behold, I will tell you this, people ask me about this all the time, very important people: I have given you every herb bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth – I mean, I can just keep naming them all day long – and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

And, believe me, to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. So amazing. We’re only getting started.

And Donald saw every thing that he had made, and behold, it was very good. It was so good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. That makes me smart. ♦

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