University freshman not afraid to try new things he read about exhaustively on the internet beforehand

VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — Claiming that he was determined to approach this next stage in his life with an open mind and a positive attitude, University of British Columbia freshman Alex Jensen told press today that he was not afraid to try new things that he has researched exhaustively beforehand on the internet.

“When you come to university it’s important to let go of your fears a little bit and just try things that you read about on the internet beforehand so thoroughly that it’s to the point where you know the thing pretty much inside out and there’s no way anything can go wrong,” Jensen told reporters from his dorm room, where he was reading through the profiles of every student club on campus.

“You know what, fuck it, I’m just going to do it: I’m going to try salsa dancing,” engineering sophomore Jody Liu was also reported to have finally said after reading about salsa dancing and the university’s salsa dancing club for more than seven months.

“You know what guys, it’s not every day that you’re 19 and in university. This next round is on me,” science student Stephen Gillespie is also reported to have told a group of friends at Koerner’s, the university pub, hours after reading about college drinking culture on Wikipedia. ♦

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