Vat of racist eels booed off stage at Republican convention for being too liberal

CLEVELAND (The News Desk) — A vat of racist eels that was scheduled to speak at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland was unexpectedly booed off the stage on Monday after expressing views that many in the audience deemed “too liberal” for the party.

“Our convention welcomes Americans of all political stripes, but today’s headline speaker, the racist vat of eels from Florida, definitely did not reflect the views of the party with its comments about immigration reform and free trade today,” said convention chairman Paul Ryan.

“We must protect America from illegal immigrants and international terror, and the racist vat of eel’s comments today are not compatible with that reality,” said former House speaker Newt Gingrich.

“Please believe me when I say that illegal immigrants and Muslim extremists are dangerous and that our borders must of course be strengthened,” the vat of eels told press while it collected its thoughts in the convention’s dressing room.

“However, it is my belief that completely sealing our borders and further isolating ourselves from the world could hurt American competitiveness on the global stage in the long run. I won’t apologize for that.” ♦

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