OTTAWA (The News Desk) — Rolling his eyes and emitting a loud, annoyed sigh, Tim Hortons customer Greg Fitzpatrick registered his disbelief at the fact that an American customer appeared to not know what a “double double” was.
“This woman doesn’t know a Dunkin’ Donut from a Timbit,” said Fitzpatrick after noticing the American, accountant Victoria Witt, order a coffee with two creams and two sugars without using the words “double double.”
“This is yet another thing that Americans will never understand about us Canadians. In many ways, it’s like a secret language that we have.”
Fitzpatrick grew even more agitated by Witt after she failed to understand the cashier repeat her order back to her — a large double double and a honey cruller.
“In a way, I feel sorry for her. I guess being Canadian just isn’t for everyone,” he said before losing consciousness.
UPDATE #1: Sources report that Fitzpatrick hit his head on the counter after losing consciousness and has been carried from the restaurant on a stretcher by paramedics. Bystanders say he was “losing a lot of blood”.
UPDATE #2: Fitzpatrick is reportedly in critical condition at Queensway Carleton Hospital in Ottawa. Doctors report he has partially regained consciousness and is still rolling eyes, muttering words “double double” and “Timbit”.
UPDATE #3: Witnesses report that one hour after undergoing emergency surgery, Fitzpatrick regained full consciousness and escaped through the window of his room at Queensway Carleton Hospital.♦
If you liked this, like our Facebook page!