Trump celebrates Florida win by adopting Rubio’s children

MIAMI (The News Desk) — Donald Trump announced Monday that he would be celebrating his unprecedented victory over Florida incumbent Marco Rubio by adopting Rubio’s four children, Amanda, Daniella, Anthony and Dominick.

“It’s clear the people of Florida would prefer to have me as their leader. That includes everyone in Rubio’s family,” said Trump to reporters. “So far, it’s going very well. They love me. Everybody loves me.”

Jeanette Dousdebes Rubio, Rubio’s wife, expressed tentative support for the adoption. “We were really worried about the kids getting bullied in school after Marco lost. But I guess no one fucks with Trump’s kids. They’re probably better off.”

Trump has already scheduled an official visit to the Rubio home in December of 2019 to meet the youngsters. “By then, we’ll have building permits and bulldozers ready to tear down Rubio’s house. What a wreck! Only a loser would live there.”

When asked how he plans on raising the four children with a full campaign schedule, Trump shrugged. “The Mexicans will do it.” ♦

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