SIMI VALLEY (The News Desk) — President Barack Obama took heat this week after landing a perfectly executed kickflip over the grave of former first lady Nancy Reagan.
“It wasn’t even that cool,” said one Twitter user. “Like, if he pulled a 360 I don’t think we’d be having this discussion. But he didn’t.”
The skateboard trick was a major topic of discussion at the most recent Republican debate, and every candidate took a strong stance against it.
“Let me tell you, back in the day, if a guy went over there and did something like that, he’d get smacked upside the head with his plank,” said Republican candidate Donald Drumpf. “It’s ridiculous. It’s blah. It’s bad people like that who are ruining this nation. We need to toughen up and stop skateboarding like a bunch of sissies.”
Other Republicans weren’t so quick to criticize the president, however, with some seeking more information before passing judgment.
“Listen, I won’t stand here and tell you I’m proud of what our president did that day,” said Ohio governor John Kasich. “But there are two sides to every story, and we need to get to the bottom of how and why Barack Obama totally landed this steezy kickflip.”
Ted Cruz also weighed in, condemning the president for his timing on everything except for the landing, the timing of which was beyond reproach.
“What Obama did to Nancy Reagan’s grave is nothing short of abhorrent. Was it exciting? Yes. Was it dank? Yes. Was it gnarly? Of course. But it was neither the time nor the place,” said Cruz. “We all know the Democratic establishment would be up in arms if Obama had kickflipped over Obama’s grave, so where are they on this?”
Obama has since returned to the White House, where he is preparing for the first time a sitting president has travelled to Cuba since Calvin Coolidge whipped out a sick backside 50-50 down the front of the presidential palace. ♦
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