Man watches helplessly as checkout line next to him moves faster

VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — Area man Anthony Morris, 28, watched helplessly Thursday afternoon as the Safeway checkout line next to him, which he had briefly considered joining, moved slightly faster than the one he had chosen.

“It definitely makes the situation a lot worse that I almost joined the faster one. Now all I can do is watch,” said Morris.

Sources report that Morris’s line at Register 6 was initially one or two people shorter than Register 5′s, but that the customers lining up for Register 5 were generally better prepared for checkout, streamlining the process enough to overtake Morris.

“They’re paying with credit or had cash already out. Big bills, no change. These people know what they’re doing, for sure,” said Morris. “I just heard someone in front of me arguing about an expired coupon for, like, a full minute.

“I’m dying here.”

Following the ordeal, those in front of Morris at Register 6 reportedly noticed no difference in the movement of the two lines.

“I thought we were moving at an okay pace,” said Colleen Smithe, 45. “I saw there were a few people behind me, so I didn’t ask [cashier] Lisa about her sick aunt this time. The conversation was strictly limited to her underachieving kids, her good-for-nothing husband and the carnage of menopause.”

Morris later reported choosing to watch one of two movies on Netflix, but thinking the whole way through that the other one probably would have been better. ♦

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