Make-A-Wish CEO can’t believe no one has wished for a cure yet

PHOENIX (The News Desk) — Lamenting how a simple lack of imagination has resulted in the deaths of thousands of children, CEO of the Make-A-Wish Foundation David Klotz-Ritter said Thursday that he could not fathom why no child in the program has ever wished for a cure yet.

“You see these kids every day with these horrible, life-threatening conditions. We go to their house or hospital bed and ask them, ‘If you could have anything in the whole world, what would it be?’ And it’s always to meet a hockey player or something,” said Klotz-Ritter.

“I’m just stunned that they would waste a chance to cure their disease like that.”

Klotz-Ritter, who is an ancient and powerful genie and possesses the raw magical energy required to cure any individual of any disease, says he started the foundation as a way to distribute the gift of life to the dying. He set up a simple rule, in line with his celestial limitations: whatever wish a dying child asks for, he will grant.

“It’s my fault, I suppose. I should’ve made it simpler. Or more clear? That you can wish for things that don’t exist yet? I don’t know,” he said, somberly shaking his head.

“I’d just like to see one kid not fuck this up.” ♦

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