Trudeau cabinet to include several bottles of cognac

OTTAWA (The News Desk) — Citing its ability to facilitate tough decision-making, as well as its silky mouthfeel, prime minister-designate Justin Trudeau revealed Tuesday that his cabinet will include several bottles of cognac.

“While the full composition of the cabinet is still being finalized, I can tell you that it will definitely consist of at least half a case of twice-distilled brandy from the Cognac region of France,” said Trudeau from the checkout line of an Ottawa LCBO.

The grape-based spirit is expected to play a key consultative role in the cabinet, helping provide Trudeau and his inner circle with the confidence and flavour profile needed to make tough decisions.

“The cognac is not just going to sit on the shelf,” said a prominent Liberal Party insider.

“It will be called upon during key cabinet meetings, as well as events with visiting dignitaries, to be sipped and swirled, typically out of tiny teardrop-shaped glasses with elegant stems, usually without ice.”

Anglophones who have voiced concerns about the decidedly Gallic composition of Trudeau’s cabinet need not worry, however. Sources reported that Trudeau also plans to stock his cabinet with several cases of Canadian rye, as well as Bob Rae. ♦

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