Guy who loves meetings banned from meetings

VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — Staff on the fourth floor of Vancouver accounting firm Sigma Associates announced today that Jeff Sopel, known for his genuine love of meetings, will be banned from all future meetings.

“Jeff’s enthusiasm for meetings makes me want to jump in front of a train,” said team manager Stacey Nesbitt.

“The small talk, the jokes, his generally cheery disposition — all of it causes my imagination to generate elaborate death scenarios for both myself and Jeff.”

Sopel was banned from meetings after last Friday’s afternoon team powwow, where he exclaimed to the group that he thought the meeting had been a productive one and that he was glad to have touched base.

“I would pay good money to see Jeff eaten alive by wild animals,” confirmed IT lead Paul Trampson, who attended the meeting.

Sopel was disappointed by the announcement, but expressed hope he would soon be allowed back into meetings.

“Meetings are the highlight of my day, so this really takes the wind out of my sails. Maybe they’ll let me Skype in?” ♦

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