BlackBerry announces that it still exists

TORONTO (The News Desk) — BlackBerry surprised industry watchers today when it announced that, despite all evidence to the contrary, it still exists.

BlackBerry CEO John Chen took to the stage Tuesday at a special event organized by the company, titled “BlackBerry: We’re Still a Thing”, to make the announcement.

“We are, as far as I’m aware, still producing phones. Can you believe that? I think we’re also making some kind of software. Don’t quote me on that, though,” said Chen.

“The point is, BlackBerry exists, with employees and shareholders and everything. Which is pretty amazing.”

Chen told press that he had no idea how BlackBerry was still around.

“The fact that we’re still around is a miracle. Seriously, have you seen anyone using a new BlackBerry in the last few years? I haven’t. I have no idea how we make money.”

Chen also used the press conference as an opportunity to announce a new range of BlackBerry products.

“I think this is some kind of tablet device,” Chen said while holding up one of the company’s Passport smartphones.

“Apparently you can use it for scheduling and email and stuff. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, to be honest. Support for this thing will probably run out soon, when we finally go under.” ♦

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