coup de tap – Government or regime change instigated by social media and smartphone use, especially in Syria, Wisconsin and McDonald’s.
pyrodronography – A style of wedding video filmed by drones hovering in the middle of exploding fireworks; also the title of a hit comeback album by Limp Bizkit.
Madam – A term of polite or passive-aggressive address, especially towards Hillary Clinton following her election as president of the United States.
rebieber – To re-emerge with a peaceful disposition; named after Justin Bieber, who returned to public life following 18 months at a yoga camp in the Yukon and announced that he had sworn off caffeine, tank tops and pop music, and intended to open a charity cat hotel in Stratford, Ontario.
intertoque – Headgear that enables the wearer to access the world wide web via 6G network wherever he or she goes (from the French “interberet”).
SoPow – A hip Vancouver neighbourhood that draws all of its energy from solar sources and the vanity of its residents. Also has amazing ramen.
Trudeauhead – An ardent fan of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, especially concerning his thick and boyishly tousled hair and environmental policies.
TimesFeed – A new media entity created following BuzzFeed’s acquisition of the New York Times. Its motto: “All the lists that are fit to click.” It had a paywall, then it didn’t, now it does again.
disappearables – An industry of companies and software that helps individuals find and remove media from the Internet (primarily embarrassing vacation photos shared by parents).
norther – Someone who moves north to escape the effects of climate change and have better access to maple syrup.
WWYG – Acronym for “Wear What You’ve Got,” a fashion movement based on getting more use out of the clothes in your closet instead of buying more pieces you’re not going to wear.
wrung – To have forcefully extracted the last of, as in the world’s supply of fossil fuels and Rolling Stones farewell tours.
threekend – The standard three-day rest period given to workers at the end of the week, after Monday was declared part of the weekend through a binding e-referendum.
surplise – Shock at discovering you have earned a surplus, as in the U.S. federal budget.
grid – A system of electrical distribution serving a large area, from which more than three-quarters of the world’s population has become independent, including all the best ramen joints.
cloud computing – A branch of computer science that uses software and lasers to program the formation of rain clouds, bringing precipitation to drought-ravaged lands, eliminating starvation and producing an amazing new strain of butter lettuce.
Looplash – Neck strain caused when the Elon Hyperloop slows down too quickly upon entering Vancouver’s city limits.
NFFL – Acronym for the National Flag Football League, the safest and second-most-watched sports league in the United Nations of North America, after the Innertube Waterhockey Association.
Saladzoic – A new geological era whose name reflects the proliferation and popularity of dishes consisting primarily of butter lettuce.
car lane – Part of a road, street or interstate bikeway demarcated for the use of cars, to protect motorists from swiftly moving cyclepods. Usually hidden from view by garden medians of bamboo and sunflowers.
Bushcare – An international single-payer health care program ushered into existence by UN President Madam Barbara Pierce Bush and Secretary-General Madam Jennifer Lawrence. ♦
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