Last person who isn’t a sex robot dies

lasthuman

NEOVANCOUVER (The News Desk) — Poe Joel, the last humanoid living on planet Earth who isn’t a hyper-advanced deep AI sexual activity mecha, died earlier today of natural causes.

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Looks like I won this year’s Naked Run

undierun

A lot of you are probably thinking to yourselves: who was that guy that was shouting from the roof of the campus library last night? What was he celebrating? And why was he naked? The answer is that last night was my favourite annual UBC campus tradition: the Naked Run.

Or at least, that’s what it was supposed to be.

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An ancient warrior plays pick-up basketball

warrior3

I understand your army of basket-warriors is in search of a new champion. I have come to enjoy this blood sport you call “basket ball.” (Although rarely is there blood, and oft are the complaints when I spill blood in the arena.) Nevertheless, it would be my honour to serve; and serve I will, with pride, and an unrelenting desire to rip the hearts from the chests of our opponents.

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The Syrup Trap interviews Dan Mangan

Here is a video where Syrup Trap correspondent Winnie Code interviews Dan Mangan at this year’s AMS Block Party.

Shot and edited by Matt Meuse.

Your body: A new dating app

dating

Mingleton… uses iBeacon technology to help you connect only with people you can see around you… it’s like Tinder “for the people in your immediate vicinity.” (TechCrunch)

After months of development, we are excited to introduce your body, a new dating app that will change the way you think about dating.

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I would like to apologize for violently chairing last week’s committee meeting

chair3

Dear members of the committee,

I would like to offer my sincerest apologies for what happened at last week’s meeting, which I was asked to chair after Professor Green pulled out last-minute for medical reasons.

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After 36-hour standoff with police, man agrees to dismantle pillow fort in IKEA

IKEA

RICHMOND (The News Desk) — After a 36-hour standoff involving a police negotiator and a furniture swap deal, Vancouver investment banker Andrew Brooks finally agreed to dismantle the pillow fort he had constructed in the Richmond, B.C. IKEA store on Tuesday.

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Sorority burns goat for some reason

goat

VANCOUVER (The News Desk)  Members of the Alpha Gamma Iota sorority at the University of British Columbia were seen burning a goat on the lawn in front of their house for some reason, sources reported Monday.

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