French Books are Better

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Following the success of books such as French Women Don’t Get FatFrench Kids Eat EverythingFrench Women Don’t Sleep Alone and French Kids Don’t Throw Food, the publishing industry has realized that the public has an infinite appetite for books about how great the French are at everything. Here’s a preview of the next batch in the genre, scheduled for release tout de suite (soon).

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Local businessman runs excitedly to catch morning train

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VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — In a display of childlike wonder, local stockbroker David Cranston ran excitedly to catch the Expo Line SkyTrain as it pulled into Commercial Broadway Station this morning, sources said.

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Coyote $21,000 in debt after wandering through university campus

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VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — A coyote that has been seen wandering around the campus of the University of British Columbia has suddenly found himself with more than $21,000 in outstanding student loan debt.

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Situations where it’s okay to laugh when you’re covered in blood

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1. You’re a newborn baby.

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Newfoundland discovers large offshore deposit of cute puppies

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ST. JOHN’S (The News Desk) — Canadian-owned oil company Flyncor announced today that it has discovered a large deposit of cute puppies off the coast of Newfoundland.

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The Term Paper (King James version)

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In the beginning, Student read the term paper topics and opened his word processor.

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75 surprising facts about Margaret Atwood

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In honour of her 75th birthday, we’ve dug up some surprising and little-known facts about Canadian literary giant Margaret Atwood.

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Obama to “pledge” $3 billion for climate change “fund”

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NEW YORK (The News Desk) — “President” Barack Obama will pledge $3 billion to a United Nations climate change “fund” that’s intended to “help” poor nations boost renewable energy and counter the “ill” effects of global warming.

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