Mayor Gregor Robertson attempts to cover up massive oil spill

robertson

VANCOUVER (The News Desk) — Shocking reports today suggested that Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson attempted to cover up a massive oil spill moments before his girlfriend returned to their West End apartment Sunday afternoon.

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Harper government releases list of “life hacks”

lifehacks

OTTAWA (The News Desk) — In an effort to increase efficiency and encourage economic growth, the Government of Canada has released a list of “life hacks” designed to give Canadians an edge in the workplace.

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Fans speculate which Tour de France rider George R.R. Martin will kill off next

tour

NÎMES (The News Desk) — Fans of the popular television show Le Tour de France have begun speculating which rider will be the next to meet his downfall at the hands of series creator George R. R. Martin.

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Big male humans ready to do shooty fighting thing again

fighty

UKRAINE (The News Desk) — Big alpha guys on both sides announced today that they were ready to do the shooty fighting thing again.

“These different people are bad and did bad things to us, so it’s time to do the boom fighting shooty thing again,” claimed a prominent big guy while breathing heavily.

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Introducing: Syrup Trap File Explorer

syruptrapexplorer

Are you tired of the barrage of information that hits you every day? Ever wish you could slow down and really understand what’s on your hard drive? Syrup Trap File Explorer helps you do just that.

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Local man rushed to hospital after sustaining near-lethal boo boo

paramedics

TORONTO (The News Desk) — Local web developer Chris Finn was rushed to the hospital today after sustaining what paramedics are describing as a “near-lethal” boo boo, sources reported Friday.

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LEAKED: House of Cards Season 3 script

hoc

LOS ANGELES (The News Desk) — A single page from the third season of hit Netflix series House of Cards has been leaked, and the Syrup Trap has reproduced it below.

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10 words every man should know

man

“Language was invented for one reason, boys: to woo women.”
—Dead Poets Society

Using the right words can mean the difference between being a man or a boy. Women date men, not boys. Want to prove yourself? These ten power words won’t get you laid or save your relationship, but they will show her that you’re a man.

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